His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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