My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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