I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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