There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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