going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
