U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
