It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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