Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
