At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
