you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
