im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
