I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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