I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
