apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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