don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
