The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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