You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
