Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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