I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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