you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
