I showed him my bush... on skype.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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