So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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