I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
