youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
