true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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