i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
