Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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