just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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