We're like a lot better than the average bears
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
