Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
