It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize