I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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