He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
