you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
