Will you blow on my dice?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
