I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
