listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
