when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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