i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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