officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
