There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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