"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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