Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
