I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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