suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
