Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
