there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize