I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
