Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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