you traded sex for a burrito?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He better not be in your backpack
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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