Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
