So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
