moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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