Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
