screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
