the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize