she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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