definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
