Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
