Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
