i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
