I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
