I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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