I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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