this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
