You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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