i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
